We all have much to be Thankful for…
Wretched Sentence, I know…but how else can I start? Don’t answer that, it’s rhetorical.
First, I have been Blessed with 5 Beautiful Children!
It’s funny, I remember my Mamá Lola always told us that Children were like fingers on our hands, they are all different, but each is needed and a part of you.
My 5 are completely different. My 5 are Loved Beyond Belief, even if they don’t believe it or want to Believe it!
I guess I can understand it though. I’m not the Greatest Mom in the World.
I don’t know how to Say I Love You!
Not in the Literal Sense of course, but I don’t. I don’t believe that I make my Kids feel Loved sometimes.
Not ALL the time, but sometimes.
First off, I’m not a touchy-feely kind of person. It takes me a while to warm-up to Individuals, and sometimes even then.
My eldest, No. 1, she seems to be the same, and of course, I Blame Myself!
She’s a Brilliant Young Woman. Too Hard On Herself. Extremely High-Expectations of Others and of Herself. She’s Gorgeous to boot! And I have Failed her Infinite Times.
No. 2, has always been a Hugger! I Love that he’s like that. I just wish that I could provide him with More Hugs! It is Impossible Now! He’s thousands of miles away!
And believe me, I’ve made the resolution each and every time that “next” time, I’m going to this, and that and this and that. Next time comes along and I fail miserably yet again!
I SUCK, I tell ‘ya! I haven’t been a Mommy to Him. A Mommy that he’s needed….
No. 3. He’s more complex. He is quite Intelligent. He loves Physical Contact. He wants it and yet sometimes he doesn’t. He seems to crave it, and when he does receive it, he seems a bit uncomfortable with it. Sounds kind of like me. But he’s still my Baby, well my 10-yr-old Baby. 😉
He has these eyes that seem to look right through you. That look as if they can read and sense your every thought. When he was a Baby, I used to think he could. Now, I wish he would…
No. 4. Dear Lord! This child is a Prissy Princess if there ever was one. Touchy-Feely, not with me. Her Dad and Lolo and Lola, yes. Me, No.
No. 5. She is a Crack-Up! She’s all of 30 Months and makes up long-winded stories. Tells jokes. Questions everything and can debate over potty-training like No Other! Oh, and she has a Horrible Temper, with Looks that can put you 10 Feet Under in a heartbeat!
My Blessed 5 are quite different. So Beloved and don’t even know it. Not they’re loved by me, anyway. God gives me a chance each and every day to be better. And each and every day I Fail! That’s not true! There have been a couple of good days. But overall, yes, I fail…
I find it easier to speak to others. To show others my “Good” side.
With My Beloved 5. I am always so afraid of making a Mistake that, ironically enough, that’s all I do!
I am quite Blessed that God gave me a an Opportunity today to be their Mom. I just wish I had the Opportunity to do it better. Closer.
This may sound absurd. Because even as I think of writing it, I know it’s Preposterous!
Do you know that I try to not be a “Weak,” “Give-in,” “Spoils-her-youngest” kind of Mom, because I don’t want my First 3 Babies to resent or feel that I Love the 2 Youngest more!
Stupid, I know!
But I’m being Brutally Honest!
You see. I am so Blessed that Our Lord gave me the Opportunity to Marry the Man that I Fell Madly and Passionately in Love with.
My 2 youngest are from this Marriage.
And what can I say about this Marriage?
Let’s just say that if you have followed my Blog, you know that the following is true:
None of the trials which have come upon you is more than a human being can stand. You can trust that God will not let you be put to the test beyond your strength, but with any trial will also provide a way out by enabling you to put up with it.
~ 1 Corinthians 10:13, New Jerusalem Bible.
We have all been through so much. Some more than others…but what we must always remember is how Viktor Frankl puts it:
[…] a man’s suffering is similar to the behavior of gas. If a certain quantity of gas is pumped into an empty chamber, it will fill the chamber completely and evenly, no matter how big the chamber. Thus suffering completely fills the human soul and conscious mind, no matter whether the suffering is great or little.
Therefore the “size” of human suffering is absolutely relative.
I remember discussing this at CSUSB, and it truly has resonated and stuck with me. It came up in Class because some were criticizing how some individuals suffer, and think it the end of the world when a nail breaks! And for others, it takes much, much more. They go through much, much more. Which only confirmed the above quote.
Had someone told me then where I would be right now. What I would be going through, in my arrogance and all-knowing nature, I would have scoffed at them.
Life is certainly never boring. But we do have many thing to be thankful for. Even if at times it seems there are none…
Thank You, Lord.
Thank you for my Beloved 5.
Thank you for allowing me to Love.
Thank you for the Opportunity to Learn to Love, Give Love and Show Love.
Thank you for my Siblings.
That even though they may not like me at times, I Know they Love Me. And I Know that they will Understand one day why I do or did what I do and did. 😉
Thank you for my Beautiful Mother, who at the age of 17, could have “chosen” to see me as a Reminder of a Traumatic Event, but instead “chose” to have me and allow me the opportunity to be Born and been the Best Mother she could Possibly Be! ♥
Thank you for giving me not 1 but 2 “Dads.”
One may not be speaking to me. He may have chosen that, but perhaps I will summon up the courage to challenge his decision, but not yet…
The other, an Unlikely Dad for me by all accounts! Only 12 years my Senior…but he has Blossomed into quite a Shoulder to Lean On ♥
He has become wise in his OLD AGE 😛
He has been there for us when we feared worrying our Mom.
Thank you for all you give me, have given me and will continue to give.
I Pray that You give me the Grace to be Thankful Each and Every Day…regardless of the Circumstance. I ask that you allow me to see You in Every Situation. Opportunity, Love, and Hope always…
All this I ask of you through Jesus Christ, True God and True Man…