So, I guess it’s my turn to write a Post. I have to be honest, I LOVE, absolutely LOVE that my Other Half is writing now!
I go back and read his post’s and I find it fascinating that we express ourselves so differently. And it isn’t just in our writings, that we express ourselves quite differently.
One would think that after years of being with someone, your communication would be practically Perfect!
One would think that you can understand each other clearly. That you can communicate your needs, wants, desires and that these would be understood, and vice versa. That you would know each other so well, that there would exist times that vocal communication isn’t even necessary!
That is not our case.
We have been married for 3 years now. Our relationship, prior to our being married, lasted almost 7 years. That is a long time.
Our relationship was one of those that usually, and quite understandably, don’t work out, it was a Long Distance Relationship.
We have a saying in Spanish, “Amor de Lejos, Amor de Pen*****.” Basically, “Love from Afar, Love of Fools”, but the word fools is quite more, how shall we say, aggressive? 😉
Nowadays, it is not uncommon for many people to have Long-Distance Relationships. What with the Internet you can Skype, IM, Email, etc. Then there’s texting, calling anyone, anytime, anywhere on their cell phones, there is no lack of mediums for communication. If you choose to have it. By the same token, however, there is ample opportunity to have more than one relationship at a time. It has become too easy to cheat.
You go to check your emails, there’s an ad for Local Singles. You go to FB or other Social Networks, there are many individuals who are looking to “hook-up.” You go to practically any website, there is some type of ad for women, dating, sex. And these are only the Electronic Forms of finding someone! Too easy, I tell you, too easy.
Your relationship has to be imbued with much Trust, Respect, Communication, Security and Confidence when you’re in an LDR (Long Distance Relationship), otherwise it is torture!
There is nothing worse than a tiny little seed of doubt in your mind, in your heart, in your soul, that starts to gnaw away at you. You begin to wonder, question, have doubts.
They don’t answer their cell, you wonder why? What were they doing? Were they with someone?
They’re late getting home, you wonder why?
They are going out with “friends” on the weekend, or worse, during the week! You wonder, who are these friends? If they tell you who and you know them, how do you know that they’re telling the truth?
It gnaws at you. Do you ask them? Do you bring it up? What do you do?
If you bring it up, it will make you sound insecure, and that is not attractive.
If you question, they will feel you don’t trust them, they’ll be offended and you’ll start a fight.
You can casually start asking questions, but what if you do and you don’t like the answers? Then what?!
I learned too late to trust my instincts.
When we start having that little doubt…And allow me to clarify something here. There are people that always have that little doubt. No matter if they’re with the person. No matter if they spend every moment of every day with the person. No matter if it’s an entirely new person and relationship, they always have that doubt. That is not the doubt to which I am referring. I mean that doubt that all of a sudden, out of nowhere, after some time in the relationship, hits you! That’s the doubt I mean.
When we start with that little voice, trust it! Do something! No matter how frightening the answer may be, no matter what the result may be, there is nothing worse than ignoring that little voice and continuing to pretend that all is well in the world. No matter how hard you try and pretend that all is well, you won’t sleep. You won’t eat. You won’t be able to concentrate. Your mind will be plagued with doubt, with the “what if”? If you hear that voice, there’s a reason, and you know it! Trust yourself. I didn’t. I should have.
It is too easy to be a coward. It is too difficult to have the courage to face your fears. But face them you must. For your own sanity, for your own well-being.
The worst lies are the lies we tell ourselves. We live in denial of what we do, even what we think. We do this because we’re afraid. We fear we will not find love, and when we find it we fear we’ll lose it. We fear that if we do not have love we will be unhappy.
~ Richard Bach
I was a coward. I am a coward. I’m working on it. I’m learning to trust myself more. I’m learning to speak up for myself. You see, when it comes to complete strangers, it is not that difficult to speak up for yourself because for the most part, you may never see them again, and really, how much do we care what they think of you. But, when it comes to family, friends, loved ones, that is a an entirely different story altogether. That is when I clam-up. I may appear strong and confident, but inside, I’m frightened. Frightened that they may not love me anymore if I say what I truly feel Frightened that I will be alienated. Frightened that…Well, just frightened.
I know, Family is supposed to love you no matter what, but what if they don’t? And thus, that fear that if we lose the love of loved ones, we will be unhappy.
It is so easy to forget that no matter if our Families do Love us or Alienate us, there is Someone who ALWAYS loves us, God.
And that is why we have to learn, to Practice, making Our Lord FIRST! If we keep practicing, actively reminding ourselves to put God First, then it will be “natural.” God will always be first! And why is this a good thing?
Fr. Mario told us last year, and I believe I have mentioned it before, but it is worth mentioning again…
If we put our Spouses, Kids, Friends, Family, Boyfriend/Girlfriend, ANYBODY, First…They are going to Hurt Us! GUARANTEED! Remember, as cliché as it sounds, as much as it may seem a cop-out, we are HUMAN! We are Flawed. Basically, we Suck! 😉 Therefore, we will hurt each other.
BUT…If we put God First…No Hurt from No. 1! God will NEVER hurt us. Our Father Loves Us! And this way, when our number two, our Spouses, hurt us, well, we just look up toward No. 1, and we Shall be Comforted (Matthew 5:3-12). And when our number 3, our Beloved Children hurt us, well, we can go to number 2, or go straight to No. 1.
Believe me, I wish I would have known that years ago. But I know it now. And I share it with YOU!
Trust Your Inner Voice. Remember, the Word is very near to us. It is in our Mouths and in our Hearts for us to Observe and Carry Out (Deuteronomy 30:14).
But above all, Trust God, Our Number 1!
“One would think that after years of being with someone, your communication would be practically Perfect! ” One thinks that only if s/he has not been with the same person for years! For the rest of us, well, your post gets to it quite well!
Great to read. I appreciate your perspective very much. I agree trust is paramount.