What a week! Emotional Rollercoaster. New Endeavor’s. Still Unemployed. All while trying to be a Wife. A Mother. Not doing so well at the Daughter part. Nor the Sister Part. This is not to say that I am doing great at the other two roles either. But at least I am giving those a bit more attention. Oh, and I forgot Housekeeper too. Really bad at that one! I have two little Monsters that ensure my failure at keeping an organized, clean environment.
And speaking of Little Monsters. I want to share with you all an email that el Padre Roman sent me. It may be a tad harsh, but quite Real…
It is titled, “Despierta” Awaken or probably more in keeping with the content, WAKE UP!
It seems that as Parents, we are failing in the process of Separation, Individuality and in Helping our Children to create their own Independence.
This can be called, Cowardly Parent Complex.
What seems to be happening is that we are confusing or misunderstanding what love is and we are dedicating ourselves to making our children happy, to satisfying their capriciousness, to resolve their lives, and we don’t think to prepare them for a Difficult Life.
This way, our children will Never learn to earn a living and be self-sufficient.
This is called making them Dependent and Useless.
Each day, Sons and Daughters, allege that they are unable to help out with Chores and Domestic Duties arguing that their sole responsibility is their Studies, all else is the Parents’ responsibility.
That is called a Dependent Ingrate, a Freeloader.
In Sacrifice of a Misunderstood Happiness, we try and fill them with Material Things. They are bought the Best Clothes, or the Most Expensive Shoes. They attend the Best Private Schools. They are provided with money for Going Out, Money for their Expenses, if possible a New Car, and other “Financial Commitments” that they make, though the don’t Make the Money and what’s worse, they Believe it is Your Obligation as a Parent.
You sacrifice by all means possible so that your Children can have the Best and they are Never Satisfied.
What you do receive from them are Demands and Selfishness.
We have given them so much, that they feel the Deserve Everything, they have a Great sense of Entitlement.
We have given them so much attention that they feel they are the Center of the Universe. Laden with Selfishness, they feel that the world should revolve around them, and that the only thing of Value, Importance and Fundamental, is Them.
We do not make them aware or take heed of their role as Responsible Individuals.
If I, as a Parent, live up to my Obligation of Providing for them, their personal needs, their Health, Schooling…
They are to live up to their Obligations which are to do well in School and help out in the Home.
What is happening with these Newer Generations?
If we look back to our youth, be that a long time ago or not that long ago, things were quite different.
We did not have a Cell Phone…and Nothing Happened.
We did not have a Laptop or maybe even a Desk Top…and we managed.
We were satisfied and maybe even Grateful with the clothes that we were bought and we did not feel different or rejected because we did not use or have Brand Names.
If you were Chastised, you were denied permission to go somewhere or do something, or even “Smacked upside your head,” you did NOT disrespect your Parents, much Less Threaten them.
If you went to a Party or a Get Together, you committed to being home at a certain hour and you respected it, whether you liked it or not, otherwise, you wouldn’t get Permission to go out the next time you asked.
And that was not a reason to Scream, Yell, Slam Doors, Blackmail, Pout, or for weeks go around the house with fake smiles or moping.
Then, there existed a very important Value that we were taught from Early Childhood, it was called: Respect.
It is now unknown, it does not exist, we know not where it is, or where it hid so that our Children cannot find it, much less Practice it.
There were Preponderant Values: One was Order, another Discipline, and the other, Obedience.
Nowadays, some parents don’t help with the Homework, they Do the Homework. Even with so many resources available, which they will also find for them, the only thing they have left to do is take the Exams for them.
And this entire Circus so that the child won’t have a Tantrum, won’t suffer from dehydration from so many tears shed, and the saddest reason…to “maintain Peace in the Home,” where the Creditworthiness and Authority of the Parents many times does not Exist.
What can we say about the Home, where to avoid discussions and conflict – since the refrain of: “Johnny I am counting to 3. One. Two. Two and a Quarter. Two and a Half.” As if we were teaching Fractions. Or the other Classic: “I am counting to 10. One. Two…” – we have become our Childrens’ Accomplices.
We must, of course, keep our mouths shut so that we don’t drag them down with our constant nagging. And on top of that, we don’t allow them to become “exhausted,” even picking up their Own things.
What ever for? We tell ourselves, that they have no fault in any of our “issues.” They did not ask to be born.
How Mistaken we are…
Then we were not Overprotected, nor were our Problems solved for us, we were Free even to Make Mistakes, which led us to develop a sense of Responsibility and Identity.
That is called Growing Up.
During this Growing-Up Process, a few “Smacks Upside the Head” were not exempt, nor was a Good Spanking – which never Traumatized anybody – to make you Obey.
Then, your Father’s Voice was listened to with Respect, your Mother’s orders were followed without protest, and their advice was not seen as idle chatter, empty words, preachiness, or nagging.
You Never said to your Parents, “Shut Up!” or “Yeah, Whatever.”
Then, the Parents set the limits, made the rules, and created the conditions. They were not afraid that their Sons or Daughters would say, “You don’t understand me,” “It’s none of your Business,” “You don’t know what you’re talking about,” “You’re Worse,” or the typical, “I am Leaving or Running Away.”
They knew, where were you going to go that you would be treated better or have it better than at home?
Then, Parents were not afraid of Disciplining or that you may get angry.
You basically had two tasks, getting angry and turning right around and being happy again.
Then, if you didn’t want to eat what was made, you stayed hungry. You were not given money to order something else or go out and get something.
Then, Parents did not Justify Bad Grades, Bad Behaviour is School, or your Disrespecting a Teacher, or your Lack of Helping Out around the House.
Then, your Parents said no. And No meant NO.
Then, the Paternal Figure was quite different from how it is seen now. Then, Love, Respect and Consideration did not give way to: “My Dad’s Crazy,” “He’s Old, or Old-Fashioned,” “He’s Selfish,” “He’s Neurotic,” “He has Issues,” “He’s totally Clueless,” and so many more.
They cause me Great Pain, and I am unsure if it is due to who emits them or who receives them.
What are we going to do with the Youth, the Children of Today?
Selfish, Freeloaders, Dependent, Irresponsible, Disrespectful, Rude, Foul-mouthed, Swindlers both Financially and Emotionally.
If you do not give them money, they will lie to get it, or they’ll steal it from you, or they’ll just get plain Angry. If you do not give them permission to go out, they get angry and sneak out anyway. If you chastise them, they talk back and don’t listen. If you try and find them, they turn off their cell phones. If they get bad grades, who cares, you’re the one “Buying” anyway.
Teach them to earn their own money Honestly so that they can learn the value of it, manage it and enjoy it.
Teach them to value to opportunity to obtain an education, not everyone has the privilege of earning a degree, having a profession and plan for a steady and stable life.
Teach them to Respect others so that when they have their Husband or Wife, they will know how to cultivate and maintain a good Marriage. Equality between men and women is not to disrespect one another, nor is it to have control or power over the other.
Teach them to create a Scale of Values which will make them Decent, Respectable Human Beings, useful to their families and to society.
Make them aware that Values are not outdated, old-fashioned, out-of-style, or museum relics.
Teach them to Love Themselves, to have Self-Confidence, so that when they have their own children, they will Love Them and Educate Them. So that they will have Credibility in their Relationships.
WAKE UP PARENTS!
Let’s get on the ball, let’s make our Value Scale Standard, so that our Children can learn what Respect, Commitment, Honesty, Humility, Courtesy, Prudence, Generosity, Gratitude, and a Noble Heart are.
We Must offer them this Lesson that will make of them Beings of Excellence.
Although in our Present time it is not easy and it will be difficult, practically impossible to practice, attempt it a Thousand times, Ask God for Wisdom. He will help you Accomplish it.
Try it and See…
Wow, I agree with all of this! Parents have lost respect because they want to be their children’s friends. Children can have many friends whom they need not respect. They only have two parents whom they should respect.
The same applies to teachers.
I am guilty of many a time trying to be more of a Friend than a Mom to my eldest Babies. 😕
I just Pray that in the Most Crucial of moments, though when a Teen, ALL moments are crucial…I am there for my Kids.
Take Care, God Bless and Thanks for reading my Humble Blog 🙂
I think we all do that, and it’s fine as long as we keep a fine line…
I love your blog. God bless you too!
You are TOO KIND 😀
And Thank You…God Bless!
Thank you very much my friend, you are very kind in sharing this useful information with? others…. he details were such a blessing, thanks.