Not Wanting or Able to Breathe…


I feel a huge “hueco, un vacio” in my Soul…

It is a deep, dark abyss…

For the longest time I was riding high…I was riding the wave and felt that Nothing, No One! could bring me down…

Now, I float, face down, ebbing with tide…

What happened?

Más aun que ya no estan mis Hijos aqui…

My heart has once again been torn out of my chest, beating, bloody, pulpy, raw, red…

I keep waiting for that day…

The day that it will all change, that she will know, that my Beautiful Pumpkin Princess will see….

The day that my Handsome boys will be “allowed” to stay with me…

One day…

Lord, not MY, but Your Will be done…

What is in THEIR Best Interest Always…



Soaked in Salty Waters…

Ebbing, Face Down…Not wanting, not Able to Breathe…


9 thoughts on “Not Wanting or Able to Breathe…

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  1. Oh, my dear, it is so nice to see you back, but not as sad as you are! You and your children will be in my prayers until this has passed – and pass it will… Have faith, pray from the bottom of your heart. God will hear.

    Take care that your suffering does not increase your children’s pain. They see your suffering, but they must also see the strength of your faith.

    God bless you.


  2. Oh, my dear, how wonderful to see you back, but not sad like this. You and your children will be in my prayers. This will pass… Remember God is Love. Pray to him from the very bottom of your heart.

    Please try not to increase your children’s suffering, but show them the strength of your faith.

    God bless you.


    1. Thank You, ADEE!!!!!

      Please do keep us in your Prayers…There is no such thing as too many 😉

      I try my best to not show them my hurt or pain, but to show them always Love, Understanding and Patience, especially towards their Father when they grumble and gripe against his wishes and requests…


  3. Our children are our children for a lifetime. When we have them we are young, and have just left the nest… we view that lifetime as ending after 20 years… Yet, how long have you known your Mother now? How long can you go without calling her? There were times you could go longer, and times you will call her more often. Your children will always be your children. Those who say the first five is where it all goes down… they are blind to the beauty of adulthood and the relationships we cultivate with our parents in our later years.

    A very close friend, whom I’ve known for more than 20 years has much to teach you. Her parents divorced when she was very, very young. She explained to me in University when we met that he was her genetic donor – nothing more to her. Fast forward the now twenty years (giving away my age if you can do math). She no longer calls him that… in fact she hugs him every chance she gets.

    Focus not on the time apart, but on the time yet to come and draw strength from it. God always saves the best for last.


    1. I Pray that one day I will have that with My Babies too! More than Anything…

      I know it’s God’s time, not ours…but how Imiss them…

      Pray that my Little One will come to be with us, PLEASE!!! That his Father will allow it…that it Truly IS what is best for him and not just what I want, crave and desire…


  4. I feel a “hueco, un vacio” [hole, a vacuum] in my Soul . . .

    Más aun que ya no estan mis Hijos aqui…[Even more than my sons are no longer here . . .]

    [Thank you, Google Translator.]

    The Will of God: Is it the Father’s Will? Or the father’s Will? How to know???

    There are times when only the language of the soul can soothe my broken heart:

    On Children
    Kahlil Gibran

    Your children are not your children.
    They are the sons and daughters of Life’s longing for itself.
    They come through you but not from you,
    And though they are with you yet they belong not to you.

    You may give them your love but not your thoughts,
    For they have their own thoughts.
    You may house their bodies but not their souls,
    For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow,
    which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams.
    You may strive to be like them,
    but seek not to make them like you.
    For life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday.

    You are the bows from which your children
    as living arrows are sent forth.
    The archer sees the mark upon the path of the infinite,
    and He bends you with His might
    that His arrows may go swift and far.
    Let your bending in the archer’s hand be for gladness;
    For even as He loves the arrow that flies,
    so He loves also the bow that is stable.


    1. Your comments inspire…

      I am grateful to see that you are back once again commenting and above all taking the time to read and share…

      Gracias….and Keep coming and commenting…and thank you again for the Gifts =o)


  5. In many languages the word for spirit and breath are the same. This you must know, as the Spirit breathes in you.


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