I’m Not Happy Anymore ! – The Truth behind Marriage Myths

Recently, My Wife and I were fortunate enough to attend Retrouvaille.  For those of you that are unfamiliar with it,  Retrouvaille comes from the french word for Rediscovery.  It’s a process that starts with a Weekend with your Spouse where you learn to communicate using a system known as “Dialogue”.  Retrouvaille is an International organization with chapters in various countries.  Click Here to Find a Program in your Area

I call it a “process” for lack of a better word, but it is more than just that.  It also brings you into contact with other couples that have gone through the process themselves and offers your marriage a community of support.  These are real life couples that have gone through the same Trials and Hardships that all Marriages experience.  This type of support group is what is lacking with married couples these days.

The news is full of headlines of high profile couples separating and divorcing.  We live in a society where everything is thrown away after it’s usefulness has been outlived.  This includes everything from Computers to Cell Phones to Cars.  The list goes on.  Don’t like it ? Get another one.  Want a Newer Model ?  What’s stopping you ?  In fact, you’re encouraged to get the latest model.  This also includes your Spouse.

We are encouraged by today’s world to just give up and throw in the towel.

One of the many myths debunked by Retrouvaille is that “Marriage is Not About Happiness,  It is about Unity”.

The Problem with the Myth of making Happiness the goal in Marriage is that for starters,  It is impossible for our Spouse to fulfill our every need.  And second,  many of us don’t even know what we Truly need to be happy in Life, let alone in our Marriage.  Hence, it’s the reason that God is first and our Spouses are second.

Ok, So Marriage is about Unity then ??? 

Precisely. 

This is where the Work in Marriage begins.  It begins with God.  It begins with the Communication (Dialogue) between the two of you.  It begins with Sacrifice from both Husband and Wife.  It begins with putting your self aside.  Your Anger and Pride.  Putting your own needs aside for the good of your Marriage.  It means Husbands Serving your Wife and Respecting Her.  It means Wives allowing your Husband to Serve You.

The biggest Obstacle to everything I mentioned is the Unrealistic expectation that a Marriage must be happy in order for it to be working.

Many people,  fool themselves into believing that “we were happy in the beginning,  it should be that way now”.  That it was easy then so it should always be that way. 

“I don’t feel the same way about my Spouse anymore”.  This thinking is what undermines the majority of marriages after the first couple of years.

If you sat around on the couch watching TV all day,  didn’t excercise and ate junk food all the time, you’d be extremely out of shape.  The results of your neglect would be detrimental to your health.

Why is it then that we have this unrealistic expectation that Marriage shouldn’t require any work ?

Next Part – Love is a Decision,  Not a Feeling