Digressing

Time.

This is probably one of my most repeated topics!  And for good reason, me thinks 😉

I am consistently shocked by it.  And not in a good way, well not all the time.

I have already shared with you here that it is not just me.  That time Truly is going by faster and faster!  Remember?

And we even have an extra day this Year!  Leap Year!

It does not change the fact that we are past the halfway point in February.

In just 22 days I will be heading towards that Life-Changing meeting.

Will I be able to bring my Little Angelito back with me, or not?

This is going to sound bad, but I can’t help myself.  I am trying very, very hard to not get my hopes up.

I keep voicing aloud to my Patootie that he will not be coming back with us.

Of course I say it.  But inwardly, I Pray that I am Wrong!  Dead Wrong!

Imagine!!  Me wanting to be wrong!!  Unheard of! I Know!

I am quite conflicted.  I know I should not be, but I am.

I know I should have Faith in Our Lord.

I know that I should just leave it all in His Loving Hands.

I know that I should simply Trust.

I should have a Child-like Trust in Him…I Know!

But it’s that damned Fallen Tendency to be Controlling and filled with Fear!

And I know…I Know…

 Do not be afraid, for I am with you; do not be alarmed, for I am your God. I give you strength, truly I help you, truly I hold you firm with my saving right hand.

~ Isaiah 41:10 (NJB)

I Know this.  I do. I must just Surrender to it.  And I am, slowly.

I know that I alone can do nothing.  I know that for everything that happens, that for every choice I make, whether Good or Bad, God can and will Be there for me.  For Us!

The problem, I believe, lies in growing up.  As we grow up, we Surrender less.  We Trust Less. We become more Self-Sufficient.  We repeat and believe that phrase that all children say as they develop and gain more independence…

I Can Do It!

As they say it, they swat your hands away or move away to demonstrate to us that they in fact Can Do it Themselves.

We smile, we are filled with Pride as we see our Little Ones Grow right before our eyes.

And if they are unsuccessful, we tell them either to try it again or that they’ll do it next time.

There are those  “other” times where if we were not in the mood, we will do the wretched…

I Told You So!

One of the worst phrases ever concocted.

Not enough in humiliating them, we do it for them in a not-so-loving way.

The Child at that point feels like a failure. They will remember to Never Ever ask for help again.  They will learn that even those that supposedly love you can and will hurt you, thus trust is lost.  Turning them into Adults that still hold fast to these beliefs.

Then…

Then there are those Children that given the latter situation still smile and lovingly forgive us for being so vile.  They hug us, thank us and embody God’s Love.  God’s Merciful, Forgiving, Patient, Unconditional, Never-Ending Love for Us.

It is those moments when we are immediately filled with a feeling of worthlessness and remorse.  Hopefully, we will also hug that Child and record in our hearts the Lesson Taught and convert it into a Lesson Learned.

Hmmm…

Digression.  Surprise, surprise.

 

 

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