The older you get, the more tangible this is.
If you are Blessed to have Children, then you know first hand that all you have to do is blink and *poof* they’re grown!
How did that happen, you ask.
When did it happen, you wonder.
Where was I, one exclaims!
My First-Born Pumpkin Princess turns 20…yes, TWENTY today.
If you have been here before, months ago, or even years now – EEK – then you know about My Babies and me.
About 2 years ago I was going to start another Private, Personal Blog. Which I would later “uncover” for My Babies.
I lacked the courage. I mean, I did begin to write. Letters, emotions, stories…then, I realized that it was in my cowardice that I began this endeavour! Or so I thought.
Thus, I stopped. I deleted all I wrote. How I regret it…
For you see, I also have torn up letters I have written to them over the years for fear of sounding biased or burdening them.
Again, Big Mistake!
Now I have nothing to show for all those years. And with a memory as bad as mine – my Coma-Sis can attest to this – I will never “know” what happened or how I felt.
8 Years of Pain and Sorrow. EIGHT! And nothing to show. I can tell you an incident here and another there, but I should have left it all…
And yet…is it not best to just have let it die?
I would give it all if I could start anew with them. I wouldn’t give a fig about the past!
I know that is but a dream of mine…
My Mom tells me to have hope. She says all children come around…eventually…
Last night I lay in bed for hours, unable to sleep, talking to her as I very customarily do. I had that conversation where I tell her that yes, I am flawed and have failed, but that no one is perfect, not even him she holds so dear.
And then I stop, for I know she would become quite defensive at that point.
I then begin our conversation again.
Funny thing is that right when I begin to nuzzle into Morpheus’ arms, the Perfect conversation, the perfect words come to mind.
But damned be Morpheus, he distracts me and the words are lost to me once more.
One day, or night rather, one night it will come to me and I will be able to resist Morpheus’ charms and I will write it all down so that when that day comes…which I believe is much sooner than I even imagine, I will be, sort of, prepared.
For now, I am quite Happy for my Pumpkin Princess. She has become quite a Beautiful and Intelligent Young Woman.
If you get a chance, and if you would be so kind, a quick Prayer for her would be Greatly Appreciated ♥
Thank you for trusting me enough to allow this Young Woman to be born to me.
I am sorry that I have not lived up to what you would have hoped.
Fortunately, You are there, as is her Guardian Angel and Our Blessed Mother that also Loves and Watches over each and every one of us.
I ask you to please Guide her, Watch over her and Protect her from the temptations and evil snares of this world.
Please open her heart to You, to Love. May it be filled and that it overflow to all those around her.
And if you get a chance, let her know how much she means to me…
Thank You, Lord.