A Husband and a Father

Many times my Husband will come down hard on himself.

Other times, not hard enough 😉

Seriously though, it pains me to see and hear when he is so hard on himself.  He has made mistakes, we all do.

Forgiveness is not an easy thing. But I have learned that Self-Forgiveness is the hardest, most difficult of all, and I see it all to often in him.

That is why this Post is for him and for all Men that may sometimes overlook – and perhaps we all misjudge  – St. Joseph as a Guide, as a Model for their lives.

We all naturally flock to St. Joseph when we think of Dads and Step-Dads, Husbands too.  But many times,  because he is  St. Joseph, Jesus’ Dad on Earth, well, we steal his Humanness from him and just see him as The Virgin Mary’s Spouse and as I typed above, Jesus’ Step Father.  All this equates to awesome holiness! Right?

I will admit, I thought the same way. Until…

Friar Jim Van Vurst has provided me with an entirely new perspective.  And it is precisely this new/different perspective that I want my Husband to share in.

One of the true blessings of our Catholic faith is our knowledge and friendship with the saints of God. Far from “getting in the way” of God, they reveal God’s goodness and love for all of us. What is nice about saints is that, in reality, they were just like you and me. They entered this world with the same woundedness we see in ourselves, enduring the same struggles as we do on this journey.Next to Mary, the mother of Jesus, there was no one closer to Jesus than Joseph, the spouse of Mary and the carpenter of Nazareth. Now, we can always fall into a kind of sentimentalism in talking about Mary and Joseph, depicting their lives as almost angelic. After all, you could not get closer to Jesus than they were. Yet, in the case of Joseph, his life was not about sentimentalism. It was about real life and real issues. That’s why Joseph is such a model for all married men.

 The Crises Joseph Faced

 When Mary became pregnant by the power of God, she and Joseph were already betrothed. They had not yet come together as man and wife. Joseph must have felt that he was the most blessed man in Nazareth to see Mary as his wife to be.

Mary returned from her visit with Elizabeth, and her body was showing she was pregnant. What must have gone through Joseph’s mind when he saw her? His world had just come crashing down upon him; his future with her and all his dreams went up in smoke. It was a harsh reality that the law said he had to put her aside. Try to imagine the pain and anguish when he realized what he had to do. We can say, “Well, he found out by that dream that everything was all right!” Yes, but for those days and weeks prior to the dream, we dare not dismiss the tragedy he was experiencing.

There is that moment of utter joy of taking Mary as his wife and then their journey to Bethlehem; his frantic search for a place of privacy so Mary could give birth. Then the joy of seeing the infant, the son God had given to him as a father to protect along with Mary. At this time, you’ll realize, Herod saw Jesus as a threat to him. Any parent who has heard a threat against one of their children would know that feeling of utter panic.

Moments of joy in the Temple when Jesus is offered to the Lord were great indeed. Life in Nazareth—father teaching his son, Jesus, to pray and worship in the synagogue, to learn about the history of his people, and even the hope for the future Messiah.

Finally there was that trip to the Temple where Jesus got so interested in the scribes and teachers that he forgot to link up with his own caravan of family, friends and neighbors returning to Nazareth. When Joseph and Mary discovered Jesus had been left behind, do you think how much he would have blamed himself for not being more careful? Do you think he felt guilty and that he had failed as a husband and father?

If Joseph was human, and he was, he surely would have been upset with himself. Sometimes we think saints don’t have those issues and problems. But they do. Good and saintly men can also suffer from what they see as their own imperfections and failures. People can say, “Well, he had great faith.” But faith does not lessen pain or hurt. Faith just helps us to get through.

See Joseph as a Real Husband and Father

I say all these things because when you hear Joseph with the title, the “Spouse of the Virgin Mary,” it’s good to remember Joseph was a real man, a real husband and a real father, who experienced all the ups and downs that go with those roles