Please! Someone Take This Dagger Out of my Heart!

Can there be anything more painful than hearing your Baby call someone else Mom?

I know that I have not been there physically every day.  I know that.

But I try to be there virtually, by phone, as much as I can physically, they come here…

Believe me, I know it is not enough.

Perhaps this IS what a Sinner like me deserves.

I did make a wrong choice.  I made many mistakes.

But nonetheless, it is painful! Painful as hell!

When my Pumpkin says Parents, it hurts.

When my Ticki said Parents, it was devastating!

But my Little Angel!!

May I have death, please!!!

And it was not Parents.

It was a story he narrated.

He wins a prize and his Mom hands him the phone.  His Mom and Dad take him to the airport.  His Mom and Dad pick him up.

Believe me, I wanted to explain away to myself that he is speaking of me.

Problem is that his Dad and I have been divorced now for about 7 years!  And his now Step-Mom has been around for 3 I believe.

I suppose it was bound to happen.

I prepared for it. Or so I thought.

But now that I hear it…


Help me to accept and deal with this Pain.

I know that I have done everything to deserve it, but it does not make it any easier.

Please forgive my wrong-doings.

Forgive my many, many sins.

Forgive me my Stupid Mistakes and Decisions!

Please, give me strength.


Madre Mia de Guadalupe,

Tu que eres Madre, calma mi dolor.

Quitame estas dagas del corazón.

Colma mi ser de paz y resignacion.


How it sucks to realize how stupid you have been and how different your life should be.  How it could have been…How much your Babies are suffering because of your Selfishness and Stupidity…