Please! Someone Take This Dagger Out of my Heart!

Can there be anything more painful than hearing your Baby call someone else Mom?

I know that I have not been there physically every day.  I know that.

But I try to be there virtually, by phone, as much as I can physically, they come here…

Believe me, I know it is not enough.

Perhaps this IS what a Sinner like me deserves.

I did make a wrong choice.  I made many mistakes.

But nonetheless, it is painful! Painful as hell!

When my Pumpkin says Parents, it hurts.

When my Ticki said Parents, it was devastating!

But my Little Angel!!

May I have death, please!!!

And it was not Parents.

It was a story he narrated.

He wins a prize and his Mom hands him the phone.  His Mom and Dad take him to the airport.  His Mom and Dad pick him up.

Believe me, I wanted to explain away to myself that he is speaking of me.

Problem is that his Dad and I have been divorced now for about 7 years!  And his now Step-Mom has been around for 3 I believe.

I suppose it was bound to happen.

I prepared for it. Or so I thought.

But now that I hear it…

Lord,

Help me to accept and deal with this Pain.

I know that I have done everything to deserve it, but it does not make it any easier.

Please forgive my wrong-doings.

Forgive my many, many sins.

Forgive me my Stupid Mistakes and Decisions!

Please, give me strength.

 

Madre Mia de Guadalupe,

Tu que eres Madre, calma mi dolor.

Quitame estas dagas del corazón.

Colma mi ser de paz y resignacion.

 

How it sucks to realize how stupid you have been and how different your life should be.  How it could have been…How much your Babies are suffering because of your Selfishness and Stupidity…

 

 

Advertisements

3 thoughts on “Please! Someone Take This Dagger Out of my Heart!

Add yours

    1. Thank You for stopping by and taking the time to not just read but comment on my rants.

      And thank you for understanding. As a Mom, I know that you can empathize…

      Thank You ♥

      Like

  1. Oh sweetie, that must be heartbreaking for sure and something like that would break my heart as well but you know, you can take comfort in the fact that your babies are happy. It sounds to me that they like their stepmom and that she cares about them and that is more than I can say about most step-parents. Be happy for your babies and be happy that they are happy and know you did your best. They will grow up and they will not forget their real mother. Please don’t beat yourself up like this. You are not a bad person at all. You, just like all of us make mistakes. Yes, we all make mistakes and we all have to learn from them. Don’t let this break your heart like that. I can’t bear to hear you talk about yourself that way and I can feel the hurt. Show your babies that you are happy for them and that their happiness will always come first, as hard as it would be for you. Also know that I am thinking of you and you must not let these feelings win. I am sad for your part as well sweetie.
    *big hugs and lots of love*

    Like

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

Create a free website or blog at WordPress.com.

Up ↑

%d bloggers like this: