This is the title of an article by Pat Archbold in the National Catholic Register which you can find here.
Here is just a bit of the article, towards the end:
Many Catholics, like society at large, encourage their children to postpone marriage. Go to college. Get a job. Get financially stable. Date around. Find out who you are first, then consider marriage. Problem is, by the time you do all these things to find out who YOU are, the one things you can count is who you are is ‘not married.’ This is why people now do not get married until they are in their late twenties, if at all. By then, society has messed them up so much by a decade of self-centeredness that they will probably make lousy spouses.
Speaking from experience, from the time I turned twenty-one until I got married in my thirties, I learned nothing other than how to be a narcissistic jerk. I learned more about who I really am in my first two years of being a husband and a father than during that entire lost decade.
Today, we treat marriage as some sort of elective class that you can drop if things don’t go well rather than the core curriculum.
If we want our children to grow up to be good wives or good husbands, good fathers and good mothers, why do we tell them to wait? What message does it send about how we value marriage?
I think that Catholics should encourage our young people to find themselves in marriage. We routinely ask our little children what they want to be when they grow up and they often respond “I want to be married. I want to be a mommy/daddy.” We think it is cute and then ask them “But what do you want to do?” As if being married and being a parent is not enough.
I think that the best thing that could happen to marriage is that people, particularly Catholics, encourage their children to get married younger. The more time they spend finding themselves, the lesser the likelihood that there will be anything worth finding.
This is one of those difficult articles.
Difficult because I do see what Mr. Archbold is saying. I see his points. I even concur with most.
My beef is that I did marry young. 19 to be exact. And now I am in my second marriage.
Did I just drop my first marriage as an elective course? Far from it!
I stayed with the father of my Babies for many, many years after I knew I should not be there. Granted my situation was quite special.
I was messed up. Allow me to correct that…I am Messed Up.
My entire life up to the time I had my Baby Girl, my Pumpkin Princess, I hated men. I wanted them all to suffer. All of them! Including her father.
Many times, he made me madder than most men because he was not like the rest of them.
He did not pressure me for sex. He did not try at every moment and opportunity to “cop a feel.” Can you believe he had the audacity to respect me, protect me and care for me?! I mean, who does that!
My family fell in love with him. They truly loved him more than me! To this day, quite a few of my relatives still prefer him over me 😉
Again, perhaps my situation because I am a pretty messed up individual is not the best “vs.” case to this article, but it still leaves me wondering…
How about you?
God Love You ♥ And may He help messed-up me 😉
As always, Narda, your honesty is beautiful. In your humility I believe you recognize that in hating all men perhaps you did not correctly know, love and serve God, the Father. (Although I could never think this of you!)
Today as well I read a quote from C.S.Lewis’ The Great Divorce where he indicated that we can not love another until we LOVE GOD. We must teach our children to love God, know God and serve Him. And…to pray, in silence, for His voice to discern their vocations whether it be to the religious, married or single life….and even then, we are fallen humans and it’s not all going to be easy! So I think you and Mr. Archbold would also agree that we learn from our past.
Thank you for your thought-filled words and how they continue the conversation.
Thank You, Allison!
I am always humbled by your visits and comments.
You are an individual whom I truly aspire to emulate. Homeschooling. Guiding. Forming and raising your children in Faith. The Sacrifices you have made, make and will continue to make.
You truly embody courage!
Thank you as always for your time and for seeing what I may not 😉
God Love You and Your Gorgeous Family ♥
O hunny, I am a very flawed person. Just tyrin’, like you. Learning alongside of you and asking for your prayers…and you have mine.
You have them ♥ And Thank You ♥
Aren’t we all a bit twisted? Guess it takes that special someone to unravel our true selves.
And How! 😉
Sweetie, one thing… you are NOT messed up. You think you are but you should get rid of those negative thoughts. You are a beautiful, strong, loving, kind, wonderful woman who made mistakes. Don’t judge yourself on the opinion of others or your mistakes. 🙂
Thank you so very much for your kind words ♥
They are truly valued and appreciated. You know, it’s quite difficult to not judge myself harshly 😉 I tend to be suffer from Scrupulosity 😛
Thank you as always for your time and comments ♥
God Love You and Keep You Always ♥
I am a catholic – and did not marry young. And I feel no worse for it. Unlike my sisters – who did marry young – I am happy in my relationship and I am married to a man who loves me dearly and respects me. I took the time before marriage to do things I would not have been able to do had I married young: travel, study, buy my own place, learn to be independant. What many Catholics who write articles like this is that it is better to prepare our children to live in the world as Catholics then to tell them to do the opposite. Instead we should give our children the tools to live a life in modern society that reflects our religious beliefs and our respect for our own bodies. Not every person who marries late is egocentric.
Beautifully Put! I Love how you hold US Accountable!
It’s true. It is much easier to pawn our kids off to become someone else’s or their own “problem.”
If we are equipped with proper tools, then age will never be a factor, much less society.
Thank you very much for your very enlightening comment!
God Love You ♥