Well, I have had a few days, and the pain has dulled…I am also trying to accept that I may not have My Babies with me after all…
After that conversation with My Son…I have tried to be more cautious in my word choice. I can’t bear the thought of burdening him any further…
However, after learning of his Asthma attack yesterday, I did tell him that the High Level of Pollution does not help. Here, well, every time he’s out here, he does NOT get sick. No need for Inhalers or anything of that sort…I could not help myself and I told him so.
I told him that he would be better off here, especially Health Wise.
His response, “Well…at least I’ll be there in the Summer.”
WHAT HAPPENED?!?! Just the other day he said he was probably coming out here!
I know what happened. It always happens. What can I do? I can’t compete…
One day, one day they’ll see through it all…
I have lost hope, for now at least, that my Football Player will be coming out here as well. There is no longer ANY indication that he will be packing up and coming out.
And so, I go back to Square One…not the Mall…but the Bare, Desperate, Guilt-Infested Beginning…
There must be something in the Air or in the Water.
Something is Definitely going on…
I want to say that I am losing on all sides, but that wouldn’t be completely true…
I have lost the Hope of My Babies coming to be with me any time soon, But, I have gained insight into Individuals that I had Judged Pre-emptively.
Hypocritical, I know.
I do not want to be Judged, hence my Post “Only God Can Judge Me,” and I turn around and do precisely that. Well, I didn’t so much Judge as form an Opinion about People based on Limited Exposure and Circumstance.
Thankfully, I have been given the opportunity to interact with many different types of Individuals that have Opened my Eyes and shown me different Points of View, different Perspectives…and for that I am Extremely Grateful!
It IS true:
When one door closes, another opens.
Today I shared with one of my Favorite Bloggers, “Shoved to Them” aka the Mom, that I have not yet been able to find my niche…I told her how Blessed she was to have a Group of Friends with whom she could be herself. I have yet to find that. Every time I think I’m getting close, I don’t.
I will repeat to you that age-old adage:
It is better to be Hated for who you are, than to be Loved for who you are Not.
It is quite scary to be yourself. It is frightening to be so Bare and Vulnerable. To wear your heart on your sleeve, if you will.
This is so because one can’t help but feel that if what you say, think or feel is rejected or not valued or accepted, that YOU are Rejected, not Valued, not Accepted.
But that is not the case! My Feelings, my Views, my Thoughts do not have to parallel anyone else’s in order for me to be accepted, in order for me to be Loved.
If that is the only reason that you are accepted, then are you really? Are you really and truly accepted? Or is it just the Mirroring, the regurgitating, the Ego-Stroking that is being accepted?
When someone Accepts you, Values you, Loves you…it is or should be all of you. Even dissenting views.
There is no greater Love, Friendship, Acceptance than one that Flourishes in Honesty. The Good, the Bad and the Ugly of it.
That is how one Develops, Builds, and Grows. Through the Honest, Upfront words of those that care enough to be Candid with you.
It’s funny. My Beloved Husband and I were just talking about this the other night. I was sharing how throughout my History, those who started out as my Friends have not ended up as such. And those who started off on my “wrong” side, those that I was not too fond of…well, those are actually the ones with whom I have bonded and established Lasting and Meaningful Friendships.
He clarified it for me…
It’s because you get to see who they truly are. You saw them at their “worst” now all that’s left is discovering their Best!
He was much more eloquent of course, but I think you get the gist.
Wow…another Ramble Post…Why DO you keep coming back to read 😕
Why Ever it is…Please Keep doing it 🙂
As one who’s had lots people start out close only to taper off, I can honestly say most never come back. BUT some do, and when they do the relationship is far stronger because we know we can get past the hard stuff. Having said that, I still prefer the ones that just take me where I am knowing from the start we are not on the same page.
…and I like rambling posts, gives me much food for thought…
I totally agree….I Like being accepted in spite of, and because, I am not like YOU 🙂
It makes for a more interesting Friendship and Exchange 😉
And thank you Mom…I feel validated with my ramblings ♥