Enough!

I say it to you because I don’t have the Courage, the Ability nor the Resources to say to whom I want or to whom I should.

Enough of manipulating my Babies!
Enough of Guilting my Babies!
Enough of making them go and Shower soon after they start talking to me!
Enough of, Oh we have to go Pray now!  Yes, Prayer is Important! But can’t you wait 5 more minutes!! For Heaven’s Sake, I haven’t talked to them in a couple of Days! 
Enough of making the Older Siblings Bully the Younger One off the Phone!
Enough of Making the Older Sister take Responsibility for her Brothers.  She is not the Parent!  I May not be there, but You won’t let them Come to Me!!
Enough of the subtle mind games!  Haven’t they been harmed enough?!
Enough of the Guilt Trips if they leave!

ENOUGH!
ENOUGH!
ENOUGH!

If you Loved as much as you Claim by your words towards them…then would you not NOT Guilt them?

If you Loved them…then would you not allow them to spend time with their Mother?

If you Loved them…then why would you speak ill of the Woman that gave them life?  You do realize that they are HALF HER?!  And when you bad mouth Her, you also Bad Mouth  them!

If you Loved them…then you would put Them before Yourself.

If you Loved them…then for their sake you would put your Pride and Anger aside and do what is best for them.

If you Loved them…then you wouldn’t want Anyone Bad Mouthing them!  Berating them!  Hurting them!  ANYONE!! Not even the woman you chose to bring into your life.

If you Loved them…then when they come and came to you saying they wanted their Mom, you would have let them go instead of making them Feel so Small and forcing them to Lie to me to my Face, causing them all that Hurt and Damage.

If you Loved them…IF you Loved them……

Does it not hurt you when they cry?

Does it not hurt you to see them miserable because they cannot tell you that they want to be with me?

Does it not hurt you that feel GUILTY for Loving me??  For wanting to be Near Me??  How do you not see that the Guilt that they feel was Placed there by YOU???

For the Love of God!!!!  Please let them be with me…at least the Youngest…He is Utterly Tormented by being made to feel Guilt and Shame for wanting to be with me!!!  Do you not hear him crying???

You have already deeply rooted Hatred in the Eldest’s Heart. 

How could you stand there and watch her spit that venom toward me?  And then even Praise her for it?  Did you not see the DAMAGE that your actions and lack thereof were causing and Have Caused??

Whether you like it or not, I AM THEIR MOTHER!!!

Our Marriage was annulled.  It Never took place.  We were both Young.  I was not mentally or emotionally prepared.  I had no idea what Marriage meant or what it was.  I saw in you the Father I NEVER Had!  I wanted YOU to be my Dad!  You protected Me.  You Defended Me.  I had Never, Ever had that! EVER!! 
You saved me from Myself.  You offered me a new, safe world. 

It was not fair to you.  I am the FIRST to acknowledge that!  But that does not give you the right NOW to treat My Babies in this way.  It doesn’t!

No matter how much you resent me…No matter how much you HATE me…The Kids do not deserve this!

I know your story.  I know your words, how you blame me for all that goes wrong in their lives. 

You had ME Believing it for YEARS!!!  But NO MORE!!!

YOU Must take you Share of the Blame!! Especially NOW!! 

I mean Honestly, to FORCE Our Daughter to CHOOSE Between You and I!!! How many times must you torment her this way???

Now that you have Poisoned her, it has seeped into the Middle Child.  He is now also filled with confusion and bitterness.  How could he not?!  He is engulfed in it?!

2 out of 3 is not good enough for you though, is it? 

You MUST destroy the Youngest!  WHY?!  Can you not spare him?  PLEASE?!?!

I WISH that the other 2 would Love him enough to spare him.  I wish that they would open their eyes and SEE what is and has occurred!

Dear God!  Help Them!  Help Him!  Help Me!

I know NOT what to do!!!

I have promised over and over again that I would not force the issue…but it is KILLING ME!!!

I Promised that I would not get the Courts involved…though he has time and time and time and time again!!
Yes, I could play dirty and say, “Well, he did it.”
But I won’t. I am better than that!

I know my Mom says that One day they will see…

Lord, I know our time is not your time….But it’s been YEARS NOW!!!

Can it not PLEASE BE TIME?!?!?  PLEASE?????

At least the Youngest Lord….I BEG OF YOU!!!

It kills me to hear him cry because he is not allowed to talk to me anymore after 10 minutes. 

Lord, Please….If it is not time, then give the Strength to ENDURE THIS and to KNOW that all will be well. 

Madre Mia de Guadalupe….Pide por nosotros! Te Lo Pido! Te Lo Ruego! Te Lo Suplico!!!

Por Favor….Please….Please….

Amen……….

 

Please forgive me for venting…but typing this…slamming the keys with my fingertips not only transferred the pain to something tangible, physical and controlable…but it is also quite cathartic…

Forgive me…

 

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3 thoughts on “Enough!

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  1. Every examination of conscience lists bad mouthing the other parent as a sin against the fourth, and sometimes the fifth as well. Using your child to hurt you the other parent is a serious sin. Standing the temple with a whip, he forced out the sellers… I suspect you now know how he felt. It is cathartic, now bring it home.

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  2. These men, these fathers, they are Warriors. They must dominate and control. They will sacrifice their own children to do so. These are not women’s ways. A mother will lay down her life for her children. She has carried them in her womb. And she will continue to carry fetal cells in her bloodstream for up to 18 years following a pregnancy.

    Can you be a Mother Warrior, and pick up your sword?

    Some excerpts from the book “The Art of War” by Sun Tzu:

    Chapter One – “Planning”

    “Understanding the nature of war is of vital importance to the State. War is the place where life and death meet; it is the road to destruction or survival. It demands study. War has five decisive factors, which you must take into account in your planning; you must fully understand their relevance. First is a Moral Compass; second is Heaven; third is Earth; fourth is the Commander; fifth is Regulation.”

    Chapter Three – “Strategic Offence”

    “ . . . There are five keys to victory: knowing when to fight and when not to, brings victory;

    Thus we may say if you know yourself and know your enemy, you will gain victory a hundred times of out a hundred. If you know yourself but do not know your enemy you will meet one defeat for every victory. If you know neither yourself nor your enemy, you will never be victorious.”

    Who is your enemy? Is he an Animal? Is he a Lawyer himself?

    Chapter Seven – “Manoeuvres against the Enemy”

    “In the conduct of war, the general receives his orders from the ruler;”

    Who is your Ruler?

    “ . . . You must be swift as the wind, dense as the forest, rapacious as fire, steadfast like a mountain, mysterious as night and mighty as thunder. . . . . . . .

    Here are some basic principles of war: never attack uphill, nor defend downhill; do not be lured into attack by feigned flight, and do not attack an enemy who is rested and full of fight. Do not swallow the bait put out for you, and do not get in the way of the army that is homeward bound. When you surround an enemy, always leave them a way out, and do not press a cornered foe too hard. This is the art of waging war.”

    Chapter Eight – “The Nine Variables”

    “In the conduct of war, the general receives his orders from the ruler;”

    Who is your Ruler?

    “In waging war, do not rely on the enemy not arriving to battle but on your own readiness to receive them; do not rely on them not attacking, rather be sure of the defensibility of your own position”.

    Is now the time to be a Mother Warrior, and pick up your sword?

    Read the Book of Judith.

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